B

Bless your heart

(phr.) you're dumb or otherwise impaired, but you can't help it

Brain

(n.) The apparatus with which we think that we think

Bad Behavior

(phr.) The thing your kid gets from the other side of the family

Bureaucracy

(n.) A system that enables ten people to do the work of one

Bacon

(n.) The main reason you’re a vegetarian

Bullet

(n.) The last thing to run through Osama Bin Laden’s mind

Bus Driver

(n.) A person who gets paid to tell people where to get off

Batteries not included

The First Discovery of Christmas Morning

But

(conj.) A conjunctional point from which everything will go south

Baseball Umpire

(n.) A guy who stands on a field and gets yelled at for hours

Bureaucrat

(n.) A politician who has tenure

Beautiful inside and out

Something you write on someone’s posted picture while thinking she’s an ugly, obnoxious bitch

Bee

(n.) a fly with a fur coat

Bachelor

(n.) A man who can get out of bed from either side

Butt

(n.) The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger