C | Sarcasm Dictionary

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Common Sense

n. (kämən ˈsens) (1) A rare form of judgement in practical manners, only 1 in 50,000 are born with it; (2) Captain Obvious; (3) like a deodorant, the people who need it most, never use it.

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Christmas

(proper noun). The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead or plastic tree, eat candy out of socks, and listen 50's music.

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Cell phone

(noun): a portable communication device for use in a cellular system for the following reasons: 48.5% social media, 21.7% texting, 6.2% awkward situation avoider, 3.2% flashlight, and 0.1% actually calling people

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Cupcake

(n.) A muffin with low self esteem

Calories

(n.) Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night

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Committee

(n.): A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary

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Criticism

(noun): unjust self-esteem reducer

Conference room

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on

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Consultant

(n.) someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it confusing

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Crowd

(n.) a place where people act differently than when they are alone

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Conclusion

noun [con·clu·sion]: the state where you get tired of thinking

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Children’s Paradox

If it tastes good, you can't have it. If it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

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Coffee

(n.) the reason to wake up early in the morning

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Committee

(n.) a life form with six or more legs and no brain

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Character vs. Reputation

Character is what you are; reputation is what others think you are