C

Creditor

(n.) A man who has a better memory than a debtor

Cat

(n.) Lazy person’s dog

Congress

(n.) Opposite of progress

Conscience

(n.) An inner voice that warns you somebody is watching

Conference

(n.) An organized way of postponing a decision

Christmas

(proper noun). The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead or plastic tree, eat candy out of socks, and listen 50's music.

Comprehension

(n.) Something that one has to get in order to get it.

Cremation

(n.) The last chance for some women for a smoking hot body

Consultant

(n.) A jobless person who shows executives how to work

Crossover

Picture

Coffee

(n.) the reason to wake up early in the morning

Chocolate

(n.) Legally distributed drug which makes you gain weight

Computer

(n.) A device which calculates how much time you spend on a porn site

Cigarette

(n.) A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other

Cancer

(n.) The ultimate conclusion of your internet research about your flu symptoms (see hypochondriac)