D

Diet

(n.) What helps a person gain weight more slowly

Diplomacy

(n.) The art of letting someone else have your own way

Destiny

(n.) A dictator’s authority for crime and public’s excuse for failure

Detour

(n.) Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vulgar vocabulary

Bad Day

Video

Discretion

(n.) When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife

Drug

(n.) A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper

Dirt

(n.) Mud with the juice squeezed out

Diamond

(n.) A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success

Definition

(n.) A statement intended to put a word in its place

Durable Goods

(n.) Things you buy that last longer than the payments

Dictator

(n.) A self-madman

Debt

(n.) The certain outcome of an uncertain income

Divorce

(n.) Future tense of marriage

Doubles

(n.) A tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing