D
December
(n.) The most capitalist month of the year
Debt
(n.) The certain outcome of an uncertain income
Doubles
(n.) A tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing
Domesticated Husband
(n.) A person who thinks twice before saying nothing
Diagnosis
(n.) A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse
Diploma
(n.) A job-hunting license
Desertion
(n.) The poor man’s divorce
Dead wife
(n.) Something easy to figure out. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Diaper
(n.) A changeable seat cover for babies and seniors
Diet
(n.) The penalty for exceeding the weight limit
Detour
(n.) The roughest distance between two points.
Diaphragm
(n.) A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels
Dachshund
(n.) An animal that is half a dog high by a dog and a half long
Diet
(n.) A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of ten pounds
Dictatorship
(n.) A governing system where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory