D

December

(n.) The most capitalist month of the year

Debt

(n.) The certain outcome of an uncertain income

Doubles

(n.) A tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing

Domesticated Husband

(n.) A person who thinks twice before saying nothing

Diagnosis

(n.) A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse

Diploma

(n.) A job-hunting license

Desertion

(n.) The poor man’s divorce

Dead wife

(n.) Something easy to figure out. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

Diaper

(n.) A changeable seat cover for babies and seniors

Diet

(n.) The penalty for exceeding the weight limit

Detour

(n.) The roughest distance between two points.

Diaphragm

(n.) A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels

Dachshund

(n.) An animal that is half a dog high by a dog and a half long

Diet

(n.) A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of ten pounds

Dictatorship

(n.) A governing system where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory