D

Diet

(n.) A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of ten pounds

Doubles

(n.) A tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing

Domesticated Husband

(n.) A person who thinks twice before saying nothing

Diagnosis

(n.) A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse

Diploma

(n.) A job-hunting license

Desertion

(n.) The poor man’s divorce

Dead wife

(n.) Something easy to figure out. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

Diaper

(n.) A changeable seat cover for babies and seniors

Diet

(n.) The penalty for exceeding the weight limit

Detour

(n.) The roughest distance between two points.

December

(n.) The most capitalist month of the year

Dachshund

(n.) An animal that is half a dog high by a dog and a half long

Debt

(n.) The certain outcome of an uncertain income

Dictatorship

(n.) A governing system where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory

Diamond

(n.) One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments