D

Diaphragm

(n.) A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels

Domesticated Husband

(n.) A person who thinks twice before saying nothing

Dinner

(n.) Last official meal of the day which is responsible for the 95% of your weight

Diagnosis

(n.) A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse

Diploma

(n.) A job-hunting license

Desertion

(n.) The poor man’s divorce

Dead wife

(n.) Something easy to figure out. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

Diaper

(n.) A changeable seat cover for babies and seniors

Diet

(n.) The penalty for exceeding the weight limit

Detour

(n.) The roughest distance between two points.

December

(n.) The most capitalist month of the year

Dachshund

(n.) An animal that is half a dog high by a dog and a half long

Diet

(n.) A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of ten pounds

Dictatorship

(n.) A governing system where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory

Diamond

(n.) One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments