D

Dachshund

(n.) An animal that is half a dog high by a dog and a half long

Diaphragm

(n.) A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels

Delusion

(adj.) When you’re happily married but your spouse isn’t.

Debt

(n.) The certain outcome of an uncertain income

That’s Interesting, Dear

Are you still talking?

Denial

(n.) Thinking that everyone your age is older than you

Diabetes

(n.) The sure answer of the following math question: Bob has 36 candy bars. He eats 29. What does he have now?

Destiny

(n.) A dictator’s authority for crime and public’s excuse for failure

Democrats

Venn Diagram

December

(n.) The most capitalist month of the year

Divorce

(n.) Future tense of marriage

Dancing

(v.) a vertical expression of a horizontal desire

Dating a Single Mother

(phr.) Continuing from somebody else's saved game

Driving standards

(phr.) anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac