F

Fat free

(phr.) No extra charge for the fat

Futuristic

(adj.) bullshitting without consequence

Fugly

(adj.) the state of being fucking ugly

Funeral

(n.) A dying industry

Father

(n.) ATM machine

Family Planning

(n.) Having all your children while their grandparents are still young enough to be babysitters

Fifty

(n.) Seven-year old in dog years

Footnote

(n.) Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Science Fair

Parents talent competition

F

(letter) The only difference between a Politician and a Flying Pig

Foreword

(n.) An author’s apology

First, let me say, you do a great job

(phr.) Brace yourself! You’re just about to be chastised.

Fitness

(n.) Salvation through perspiration

Flashlight

(n.) A container for dead batteries (see remote control)