H

Husband

(n.) Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house

Home Alone

video

Humility

(n.) The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how great you are

Hospital Bed

(n.) A parked taxi with the meter running

Hypochondriac

(n.) One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better

Hilarious

(adj.) Something which becomes the fact after someone gets hurt. Before then it’s just funny.

Hors d’oeuvres

(n.) A sandwich cut into 20 pieces

Husband

(n.) A person who listens attentively while she says nothing

Hijab

(n.) An Islamic dress code which represents oppression, male-domination, captivity, dependence, violence, intolerance, murder, pedophilia, and sexual perversion

Honeymoon

(n.) The last vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss

Hair Salon

(n.) A place where women curl up and dye

Ham and Eggs

(n.) A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig

Huffington Post

(n.) A compilation of junk blog posts and anti-white racist rants

Helicopter

(n.) A million parts rotating rapidly around an oil leak waiting for metal fatigue to set in

Hero

(n.) One who couldn't run away and got trapped