H

History

(n.) The winner's version of past events that people have decided to agree upon

Hospitality

(n.) Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were

Handkerchief

(n.) Flu Storage

Huffington Post

(n.) A compilation of junk blog posts and anti-white racist rants

Honesty

(n.) The fear of being caught

A clean house

(n.) the sign of a broken computer

Husband

(n.) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so

Ham and Eggs

(n.) A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig

Houseplants

(n.) Vegetable companions

Idiot

(n.) Something that you become if you make a mistake but if your wife makes the same mistake, she's only human

Hospital Bed

(n.) A parked taxi with the meter running

Hair Salon

(n.) A place where women curl up and dye

Husband

(n.) Tenured Boyfriend (also see Wife)

Hunger

(n.) Something a good salesman and a good repairman will never face

Humility

(n.) The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how great you are