H

Ham and Eggs

(n.) A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig

Hallucination

(n.) A belief owned exclusively by one person

Hypochondriac

(n.) Someone who enjoys bad health

Hypochondriac

(n.) One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better

Hors d’oeuvres

(n.) A sandwich cut into 20 pieces

Husband

(n.) A person who listens attentively while she says nothing

Hijab

(n.) An Islamic dress code which represents oppression, male-domination, captivity, dependence, violence, intolerance, murder, pedophilia, and sexual perversion

Honeymoon

(n.) The last vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss

Hair Salon

(n.) A place where women curl up and dye

History

(n.) The winner's version of past events that people have decided to agree upon

Huffington Post

(n.) A compilation of junk blog posts and anti-white racist rants

Helicopter

(n.) A million parts rotating rapidly around an oil leak waiting for metal fatigue to set in

Hero

(n.) One who couldn't run away and got trapped

Home alone

(n.) Time to teach neighbors what a good music sounds like

Hypocrisy

(n.) The state when a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.