Archives

Diaphragm

(n.) A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels

Budget

(n.) A schedule for going into debt systematically

Specialist

(n.) A man who knows more and more about less and less

Slogan

(n.) A good old substitute for the facts

Parents

(n.) One of the hardships of a minor’s life

Antiques

(n.) Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Middle Age

(n.) That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it

Newlywed

(n.) A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it

Shoplifter

(n.) Undocumented Shopper

Creditor

(n.) A man who has a better memory than a debtor

Optometrist

A person you have to see

Useless

(adj.) Telling your dog that he’s adopted

Futuristic

(adj.) bullshitting without consequence

Fat free

(phr.) No extra charge for the fat

Car Pool

(n.) Complicated system of transportation where you always wind up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar